naar Vriendenbrief 2005 (Dutch)

Dear friends,

A letter this year from the Goudenregenstraat, where everything reminds me of her unforgettable presence. And in my mind I heard her exhortation: ‘Rob, write the letter now, otherwise we are so late.’ A letter to tell you how much I was encouraged and comforted by the many affectionate Christmas- and New Year greetings, the mails and phone-calls in the months gone by. Dear friends, I remained erect, but the pain becomes rather more than less. Every day, since June 18^th, makes her belong irrevocable to the past more and more, for me, for the children and grandchildren. It comforts me in a special way when I hear from outside our family, from co-workers in the Hospice, parishioners and Quilting friends, that they have not yet accustomed to the empty place she has left. Together we share nd bear the pain and that creates a surprising bond. Despite everything I want to tell you what, apart from our grief, happened in our family.

Martyria & Jan Pieter (Almere) celebrated their 16^th marriage anniversary in June and it was celebrated with a week-trip to vacation park Mont Royal in Germany. Betsy and I were invited to stay with them and from 10-17 June we enjoyed a great time with them and the grandchildren! Marty is secretary of the Central Church Board in Almere and has, apart from the secretarial work for the Order of St Luke, a busy time in

her family. Jan Pieter has a management job in I.T. and works indefatigable with the youth of his church and

His father was taken into a nursing home some weeks ago, very imprinting for him and grandma Bijsmans. Amy (12) goes to the 8^th grade of elementary school and enjoys acting in the theatre group very much. She also plays badminton now. Calvin (8) choose hockey as his sport and has good results in the 5^th grade. With his sums he even works one year ahead! Let’s not forget to mention Libby, the new pet, a dog of 10 month, that keeps the whole family going. And J.P. takes it to the puppy training (or is he the object of training? ).

Stephen & Bianca (Amsterdam) have moved on again! They bought a house - close to the former one - with more space for the family. March 2006 they moved in. Stephen had a tense year, for his employer went bankrupt. Happy for him the firm could make a new start and now the prospects are good. Bianca found a new job (permanent) in February 2006. Iris (10) sits grade 7 of elementary school and received his C-certificate for swimming. Amber (8) is in the 5^th grade and she received her A-certificate for swimming. Eva (6) grade 3 is learning to read and is very proud that she can write some words already. Pepijn (5) grade 2, is a wonderful fidget. In summer the family stayed at a farm in France for three

weeks and the children enjoyed the countryside so very much. They miss their grandmother in the Hague very much, with whom they could play tag in our garden with so much fun.

Lisa & Richard (Landsmeer) we plagued by viruses that targeted the children very much in December. Richard alone looks invulnerable like a rock in the breakers. He plays volleyball each week and that is apparently very healthy. Lisa still works two days a week in school, but had to stop with fitness. At Christmastime she accompanied her mother to a ecumenical celebration in the nursing-home and het mother liked it very much.

Reno (5) is in the second grade now and does not like do make little pieces of work. What he does like is singing in the Christmas-musical in which he played a star. All the songs he knows by heart! He also likes to take his friends home from school. Jonna (2), was plagued by a herpes in December. Since October she goes to the nursery and likes to play with clay, puzzling and playing with toys so much, that she does not even notice when her mother leaves.

Maarten & Marieke (Amsterdam) had a very eventful year. The 24^th of January they married silently. The same evening Marieke’s parents offered a dinner at their place to the newly married couple and Betsy and me. Maarten and Marieke are looking for a more spacious abode, but that’s very difficult in Amsterdam. Marieke works in a restaurant. After the birth of Lizzy Norah Ivy she enjoyed a maternity leave of several months. Norah saw the light on the 13^th of November: a grandchild my Lizzy so dearly had loved to see. The little one is doing well and has an enchanting smile. Elize ( 6) is in grade 2 and is already able to write simple words! She has swimming lessons and likes it very much. The 4^th and 5^th of May she stayed with us and Betsy took her to the beach in Scheveningen. Last Sunday (March 5, 2006) she still remembered it very well. Maarten likes his job and is a careful father.

Anna (Amsterdam) is the tender ‘landlady’ of Joos en Fannius (her cats) and did not move to another house this year! She still is a member of the co-management council. In July she accompanied Rob for some days to Wales, where Geoff and Glenys offered hospitality and memories we shared of the time with Betsy were shared. Short after the disaster, it was a time of healing.

Betsy

I glanced through her diary of the first six month - could not keep my eyes dry - and was astonished to see the variety of activities I found. And in her mailbox I found an ample correspondence with our children, friends, family members and former colleagues, all showing her warm interest and faithfulness through the years.

Every Wednesday morning I saw MWW in her diary, the MidWeekWalk she walked with her ‘walking friends Dorien and Rosa. In last years letter Betsy mentioned proudly that she walked it a hundred times (she received a nice commemorative coin), in 2005 she walked it another 22 times, altogether 123 walks of 10 km. The last one she did was the 8^th of June, two days before we left for Germany. And we have to mention the Quilt-bee’s in The Hague, Utrecht and Amsterdam, where she went every month. In Utrecht there was an exhibition in May, where quilts Betsy made could be admired. She visited a region day of the Quiltersguild, together with her friend Dijan she went to an exhibition in Rijswijk and quilted several days ‘at Wil’s’. She worked 37 shifts in St. Jacobshospice, participated in the volunteer consultation and took part in a two days course in a monastery. For a staff member of the hospice who retired, she made a huge, beautiful quilt. In our local congregation (Bethel) she met several times with the garden committee, but she was most happy when she could rout up the earth and weed. She helped in preparing the summer ‘Tea garden’, a weekly meeting place for people from the neighbourhood and was hostess at the 20^th of May. She also took part again in our ‘Open Meal’ and in January the cooked a delicious meal for 35 people. She was busy preparing the yearly Bladel-family reunion, wrote reports and arranged the accommodation for October 2005. The 16^th of April it was ‘Granny’s day’ in pleasure ground Drievliet, so together with Rob, Amy and Calvin she walked in the rain all day from one attraction to the other. In the wildwater-attraction she screamed louder than the children. In her diary I found the days she had to go to the thrombosis-control, because of her irregular heartbeat she had to use medicine to thin her blood. She experienced these visits as a tiresome thwarting of her active existence. The 22 of April we had a dinner with (former) members of the board of the Dutch Casa Materna Society (Children’s home in Naples). We revived old memories and closed the book with melancholy. Betsy said that she should miss the regular contact with our Italian friends. At the National meeting of the Protestant Church- 23^rd of April in Zwolle, she was active at the booth of the Order of St Luke and took part of a workshop where she clayed a sculpture. She created a hand: symbol of the God in whose presence we are safe. The 22^nd of May we visited a church service in the Reformed church of Volendam, where we met rev. Marjan Nijman. We walked through the famous village and in the afternoon we visited an exhibition of painters and sculptors in the Great Church of Monnickendam. At the graveyard we found a bench where we enjoyed our lunch and amidst the tombstones life smiled upon us. It was a sunny day too on the 28^th of May when we visited Madurodam (miniature city) together with Lisa, Richard, Reno and Jonna. Reno enjoyed the Miffy exhibition so much. We also enjoyed some culture: February 7 she visited a concert in Rotterdam (Doelen-hall), March 28 to Mauritshuis to see painting of Vermeer that is only for some weeks in the Netherlands and Trompe d’oeul-paintings (deceiving the eye). Our ‘old flame’ Boudewijn de Groot gave a concert the 11^th of April in Circustheater Scheveningen. We biked back home on cloud seven. March 28 a concert of Haaglands Gemengd Koor, in the Citymuseum of the Hague we visited May 16 t ‘the young van Gogh’, we tasted heaven in the Janskerk in Gouda, May 31, at a concert of the Choir of York Minster.

In The Hague Betsy was present at a farewell dinner for my colleague Lenie Vollebregt (May 26) en her warm farewell service in the Exoduskerk (May 29). The quilts Betsy promised to make for her will be unfinished for ever. Betsy accompanied me to a party in Ouderkerk aan de Amstel, to celebrate that Elizabeth Post (June 4) graduated at the University (subject: laying on of hands). The first of June we attended a funeral in Amsterdam, where Mrs. Aaf de Boer (my deacon in Amsterdam, 1971-1992) was buried. This became a small (last) reunion with our friends from Amsterdam. On Friday morning June 10, we travelled with Jan Pieter and Marty - and kids - to holiday ground Mont Royal in Germany. It became a week never te forget. We drink cappuccino in a pavement in the son, enjoy sorbets, wine and icons (Traben Trarbach), worship in an open air service (her last), drive and walk through deer park Daum and admire the city of Trier. In the evening we play Mah Jong and have good conversations far into the night. Betsy

swims every morning with Amy and Calvin. Thursday evening a splendid dinner at the borders of river Rhine, where we celebrate the 16^th marriage anniversary of Marty and J.P. On Friday morning we tidy up the bungalow, Betsy washes up with Amy and then back to the Netherlands. At a car park past Arnhem our ways part: Almere and The Hague. ‘See you in the Hague! Sunday you celebrate your 37^th marriage anniversary!’

When we arrive home at 16.30 hours, Betsy says: ‘What a pity that we are late for the Teagarden. Otherwise we could have greeted the people there.’ She goes to the supermarket to buy food for the week-end and prepares a meal for me. She herself only takes some grated apple and apple juice, for her stomach is a little upset. She sends enthusiastic e-mails to her friends and makes appointments for the week to come. And tomorrow night a shift in the hospice...

In de early morning of the 18^th I awake by the sound of her dyspnea. Within five minutes I realise that my life will never be the same again. The nurses of the ambulance, warned by dialling 112, are not able to bring her back. My girl, how silent do you lay down for ever! A day later I find in her the book she was reading: ‘I shall miss life’. (Translation of ‘Before I Say Goodbye’, Ruth Picardie). The title could have been the title of the book of her life. She loved life and radiated happiness.

Rob

My mother(82) misses Betsy very much. Betsy called on her regularly and in spring 2005 she took her to the hairdresser and she accompanied her to hospital for an investigation. This year she had a cystitis several times, because she does not drink enough. In April she was robbed by an intruder in her own house, the coward! I am glad that Anita (my sister) keeps an

eye on her and Anna took over from Betsy the care for her finances.

Bethel congregation: This year I had my leave and in the months April and May I studied the development of the Anglican theology of healing in the 20^th century. It resulted in an article in the winter issue 2005 of ‘Wereld en Zending’ (World and Mission, of the Dutch Missionary Council) with the title: ‘Healing is the mission of the church’. After returning from Germany I intended to pursue my study to see what the Anglican theology of healing can contribute to the Dutch situation. But you will understand that I had other things on my mind and heart.

Jan Swagerman (Story teller and once a member in my Amsterdam congregation) gave a workshop about ‘Biblical stories are life stories’ on January 20. Sunday February 13 we had a special Sunday with the proclamation of the winner of a poetry- and story contest that we organised. Rob Favier, a singer/theologian preached and sang in the morning service and in the afternoon we had the Festival of the Word. The winners of the first prize received the new translation of the bible in a very special edition. In the jury we had Oeke Kruythof, Willem van de Meiden en Henk Lemckert. On March 13 we had a creative service with the theme: I am thirsty. The vision of the valley with the dry bones (Ezekiel 37) was acted in mime by Mirjam Schouten and Betsy had made a ‘grave cloth’. After the prophetic words that gave life, there was the impressive symbolism of an empty grave on the liturgical centre. On March 16 I spoke about the ‘Lectio Divina’ for our senior members and in the afternoon the Rev. René van de Beld ( Arie van Viegen, piano) presented his program: ‘Paul, traveller with luggage’. After a time of preparation and publicity the ‘Teagarden’ was opened in our church garden (May 6). At the close of the season in September we could look back at a successful experiment. Many from our neighbourhood had enjoyed the garden and our hospitality.

The church council decided that we should have a place of remembrance for our deceased sisters and brothers. April 18 Betsy and I bought white stones, on which a name could be written. November 6, in the morning service Betsy’s name was mentioned - among the other deceased of the past year. Our children en grandchildren were present in the service and Marty took the white stone with her name written on it home. The Order of St Luke: In Spring I was asked by the Evangelical Broadcast to help prepare a television program about ‘praying to become healed’. The shooting of the program was April 21 and it was broadcasted June 30. I was glad with the result and there were many positive responses from the viewers. It was quite emotional to see myself and to hear the words I spoke about Betsy, not knowing she should not be among us at the date of broadcasting. Our summer conference (Emmaus, Helvoirt) from June 25 -30, started three days after Betsy’s funeral. The board wanted to cancel the conference, but I urged them not to do that. I was at the conference but did not give a lecture. It was a difficult week with heart warming contacts. Sometimes I took a walk into the wood and cried at the statue of Christ. In Driebergen, prof. C. van der Kooi organised a theological reflection about the healing ministry with representatives from the charismatic and evangelical world. I took part on behalf of the Order of St Luke. One of the questions: what position do we take between over strained expectations and lack of faith.

Church and Healing, The Hague: We had four celebrations in the Anglican church. In November the last one, after a respectable history of more than fifty years. We have decided to organise a congress on healing in November 2006.

Publicity: In the March issue of Soteria (Evangelical Theology) I wrote a paper with the title: A theology of

suffering is the most healthy thing we can wish.

 It’s a protest against a teaching about healing, in which staying ill is ignored, is blamed to the patient’s lack of faith. In autumn the Salvation Army (together with the Dutch Bible Society) published a book for the homeless and the tramps: ‘Rambling through life’. I contributed a chapter. We try to communicate the gospel in the language of the street. The City Mission Oude Zijds 100 in Amsterdam celebrated its 50^th anniversary and for a booklet I wrote down some memories about father Piet Lindner, who was my long time friend and leader of the community. Three years have gone since he died. This year I functioned as temporary chief editor of ‘Kerk in den Haag’ (monthly news magazine of the churches in The Hague), an inspiring time, but sometimes overshadowed by discussions about editorial independence.

Theology for lay people: In Utrecht and The Hague I lectured ‘Church and (worldwide) society’. In Autumn I lectured for the 3^rd grade students systematic theology: Christology. Inspiring lessons for the students and me!

How could I go on without friends! This was a year in which I experienced very intensively how important the friendships are that we developed during our lives! What a pleasure to be guests at the party (March 2) in Oudenhoorn, where Teun en Corrie Verduyn celebrated their 25^th wedding anniversary. Teun did his pastoral training period in my Utrecht congregation and the family has a very warm place in our hearts. March 20 we visited Jennie van Doesburg (a former parishioner) in the hospice in Utrecht. How glad she was to see that Betsy had come with me. Gerrit Jan Westerveld, the Roman Catholic pastor in the parish there, Betsy received branches from the box tree, handed out during the Palm Sunday service that morning. Two weeks later we were in Utrecht again to render the last honours to Jennie and to celebrate God’s grace in her life. With Pentecost Betsy and I were in Hollandsche Rading, where our friends Daan en Trudy van de Waals celebrated their 35^th wedding anniversary.

After Betsy’s passing away I have been comforted greatly by the sympathy and love of the children, family, friends,

    acquaintances and (former) parishioners. Your phone calls, (Christmas)cards, visits, dining together of going to a museum - great quality! I hope to be emotionally less vulnerable this year. There are days and moments that grief overwhelms me. My deepest comfort again and again are the hymns that accompanied us through life. It was a great gift to discover dat the hymns Betsy had chosen for her funeral, were the same ones that accompanied me.

    How much joy did Betsy and I have in all the things we did together these years in the Hague. Our last walking-adventure was in Groningen (most northern province of our country), where we walked for hours through the rain in the wet and heavy clay. After travelling home by train (for two hours) our cloths were still soaking wet. But how much had she enjoyed this day! ‘What a good suggestion you made’, she said after we returned home. This is a memory I shall always cherish in my heart and thoughts, she was a lover and mother, grandmother and friend who loved life to the full.

    Rob van Essen

    Goudenregenstraat 100

    2565GA Den Haag 

    email: robvan.essen@hccnet.nl

    website: www.robertvanessen.nl/gelovenindestad

    weblog for Betsy: http://kijkbijrob.blogspot.com/

Notes from Betsy’s personal diary

     February 5, 2003

     This afternoon the shock of our life. Brother Piet Lindner suddenly past away today, a cardiac arrest.

     April 19, 2005

     I am designing three cushions for a female colleague of Rob, nice to do and quite a neat project. I finished a mini-quilt with designs from Greece. It was a devil of a job, 4 x 4 small patches and the total size 35 x 35 cm. It really was chipping work, I don’t know when I do such a thing again, but a friend has a cute design of a wreath and that is a great temptation , I fear! I have however to finish several things , so I don’t have to hurry.

     One should always have a rod in pickle, that’s the fun of it.

     The yearly midweek with my sisters (in-law) will be after the family reunion in Bladel this year. We hired a farm extra for the whole week, where we can host extra sleepers if necessary.

     That Monday I go to Waalre again for the European Quilt Exhibition, I am not yet sure my sisters will go to, but I always go with my friend van Utrecht, the same who taught me to paint, she also likes to do patchwork en quilting.

     In January I took courage and went to the dentist again. I had not gone for years and the last time was when we lived in Utrecht. One of my walking-friends has asked her dentist if he could have us. In December I was very much in pain and then I had the courage to phone him. He had his Christmas holiday, but in January he could have me immediately. He is a nice man, quite young en very able and I trust him very much. Today two remnants of molars have been extracted and in autumn I have to come for a check. Next year he can do some things, but for now my insurance does not compensate more expenses. So stupid I did not go last year!

     Rob has his leave now and is seldom out. I am happy I have my own work. He has not really begun to study, but does all kinds of little things. I know that, when I shrink from things, I fancy all kinds of things so that I can postpone what I should do. However, when you have started once, it turns out well.

     April 20, 2005

     Last Wednesday I had a splendid walk in the dunes, what a treat it is, just a relaxed walk. As long as I can do this, I can live with my minor heart problem.

2   April 24, 2006

     My mother-in-law needed a permanent wave urgently, I had postponed it for weeks, so now I used the free ticket from the railways to visit her.

     I had phoned Janneke (wife of my brother Hans) to inform if she was home. Her daughter from Veendam was there (I made her wedding-dress) and I was welcome. I took the train at 8.30 a.m. and biked at 9.30 through a very sunny Amsterdam. I followed the river Amstel until I reached Amstelveen. It was great, I really enjoyed it and it took me exactly one hour. Wow! I arrived shrivelled, for I had forgotten my little water bottle. So I refuelled and had a cup of coffee, then I accompanied them to the mall in Amstelveen. After that I biked to my mother-in-law, another hour biking, I had to rush a bit, for we had an appointment at the hairdresser at 13.30 hours. My mother-in-law was almost ready, but I had to rush her, for she is so slow! On our way to the hairdresser (200 metres!) She had to rest two times. But now she looks nice again with her hair done.

Friday I had to go to the thrombosis control and after that I went to our church garden to do some weeding. Yesterday I had terrible muscle pain in my thighs and buttocks. I am used to nothing. Friday night the last, closing dinner with the board of the Dutch Casa Materna Committee. The whole project is finished in Naples. It has a sad side, we have been in touch for 35 years! Times are changing and it did not function as an orphanage anymore, but it was an impart part of our lives. I shall miss going to the South of Italy regularly, we always had a place to stay there en from the home we have made many trips.